Fear is an inside job.
Fear is sneaky and devious. It will deflect and distract until you shrink away from your goals blaming everyone from your parents to your dog but it’s really you causing all that ruckus.
Stepping up to the challenge of getting what you want from life isn’t easy. You do the internal work like figuring out what that is and get good at it. Then you have to stand at the dock and cast your little Ship of Dreams out into the world hoping it doesn’t get torpedoed.
The fear- struggle is actually real.
The fear-based specters of low self-esteem and impostor syndrome will stop you from realizing your dreams if you’re not very careful. If you don’t overcome the fear of failing, being judged, looking silly, etc. You’ll never put your work out there because you can’t fail if you don’t try, right?
Journal Entry:
I dreamed, in a restless sleep, I had coffee with an old friend. We talked about art, music and writing. I showed him the new Ollie calendar hoping for a nod of approval from a fellow artist. He said something like, “I love what you do with these but it’s time to put the book out already. You have our attention, now pull out the big guns. Put the book out already.”
That swam around my head for the day. Was someone was telling me something? Maybe I was telling myself something? I overthink messages coming through dreams. Are they prodding ministrations from somewhere unseen or merely subconscious overflow?
If you’ve been here awhile you know I prattle on about launching my book, Ollie Bug and the Icky Sticky Thing from Space. I wrote and illustrated it two years ago and did the research on crowdfunding, social media outreach and advertising. I put a lot of care and effort into this project only to have it sit idle. So what’s the holdup?
The Three-In-The-Morning questions:
- What if it doesn’t fund?
- What if it funds but people hate it?
- What if I completely embarrass myself in a colossally public fashion?
The list goes on but you get it. For all my “Under-think it” bluster I caved under the weight of my own insecurities. I don’t enjoy admitting that I get caught up in a web of fear and anxiety so what do I do about it? Quit or proceed based on the answer to one question:
So freaking what?
Example: If you put yourself out there and it doesn’t work, so freaking what?
Psychologists have more eloquent exercises like the “And that means” exercise and the “If/Then” game to uncover constructive solutions until you realize there is no enemy out to stop you.
“I can’t step up to my dream because I’m afraid.” “…and that means?” It means it won’t kill you, keep going.
“If I go forward and fall on my face then what will happen?” Then you’ll get mud on your face which wont kill you so keep going.
For me, the slightly less erudite, “So freaking what?” works just as well.
- What if my greatest fears happen and I take an emotional beating?
So freaking what? Say it slowly with a bit of sarcasm like: So. Freaking. What? (Then) You take an emotional beating because rejection actually hurts but it won’t kill you. (…and that means) Keep going. Analyze the faults, get up and do it again and again until you get what you want.
There’s a lot of unscientific tongue-in-cheek here to make you smile but flying straight into the face of what terrifies you is the only way dreams are made. Your worst fear (most likely) won’t kill you, it will teach you. You may realize the giant goblin you were always afraid of was just a little ball of lint in the corner. (Because it is…)
