Fearless

This week’s theme in the name of dream chasing is: Fearless.

Let’s get something straight off the top – everyone is afraid of something.  I don’t believe there’s such a thing as 100% fearless.  Whenever someone says they are afraid of nothing I wish I had a tarantula in my pocket (I don’t because I’m afraid of tarantulas).

“Fearless” conjures up images of superheroes in courageous poses and flowing capes.  They exist because we all aspire to be as courageous, dauntless and fearless.

This discussion isn’t about phobias or fearlessness in the face of actual danger.  I’m taking about the fear that grips you like steel gauntlet when it comes to chasing your dreams.  To be fearless is not just a good idea, it’s a requirement.

I’ll have to rely on anecdotal evidence here which proves nothing empirically.  Sue me.  I know about three people who can say they knew what they wanted, went for it and got it.  They’re happy, fulfilled and functional.  Everyone else I know is on some journey, whether it be creative, entrepreneurial  or personal.  Me too.  “Fearless” is nowhere to be found on this journey.  There is always fear as an annoying companion.  Like being afraid of having to pee on a long road trip and not finding a bathroom anywhere.

So why do we fear?  Author Steven Pressfield calls  it Resistance.

“Resistance is an impartial force of nature, like gravity and the laws of thermodynamics. Resistance is clever. It knows if it personalizes its manifestations, it can deceive us and slip past our defenses.”  He goes on to say it’s so crippling because since we are individuals, we make resistance personal but it isn’t.

Since he’s the one who coined the term I’ll let him tell you what it really means: “Self-loathing, we have said, is a form of Resistance. The apparition of Resistance is by definition a good sign, because Resistance never appears except when preceded by a Dream. By “dream” I mean a creative vision of something original and worthy that you or I might do or produce—a movie, a painting, a new business, a charitable venture, an act of personal or political integrity and generosity.”

In other words, you only have fear when you have something to risk which is a good thing.

The simple answer to being fearless is then, don’t have a dream.  Strive for nothing.  Bingo, instant fearless.

But that ain’t us.  We dream, you and me.  We yearn for that something special just out of reach.  I don’t know about you but for me, it wasn’t an external thought or great idea, it was something I was born with.  I didn’t choose this life, it chose me.  If you feel it in your bones, it chose you, too.

What are you afraid of?  Rejection, hurt pride, looking like an idiot to everyone you care about, failing in a spectacular fashion, losing money, losing security, someone told you your dream is a fool’s errand.

Shall I go on?

I’m sure there are a ton of reasons I haven’t listed.  All these are possible outcomes but they are also just abstractions.  None of them are real.  They are your brain seeking security.  That’s it’s job.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained isn’t just an expression, it’s your brain’s default self-preservation setting.

Which means the one most important outcome is also possible: you could succeed.  Big time.

Put yourself in jeopardy.

How many times in your life did you have to venture out of your comfort zone?  Plenty of times.  Maybe you had to take a job you weren’t comfortable with but you had to put food on the table.  You survived, didn’t you?

Unless your dream is to jump out of a plane without a parachute or dance in a meat suit with hungry bears, chances are you will emerge unscathed from your leap into risk.

If you want big things out of life you have to be fearless. Now.

Fear isn’t going to go away.  Ever.  It will be with you every moment and when your guard is down, like at 3am, it will decide to remind you of all the harm that will befall you should you step out of your tiny circle of safety.

How to be Fearless

Declare your major already.  You have that feeling deep inside,  that *want to be* something (a writer, painter, entrepreneur).  You must realize that if you’ve moved at all in that direction, you already are that something.  Declare it to the Universe already.

Go with your gut.  It’s telling you the truth about you.  Listen to it.  It won’t be easy but it’s your truth served up on a pretty platter with all that lettuce no one eats.  See the ideal you in your mind.  Believe in it even before you can see it.  Override the brain while it munches on Twinkies.

Take an action.  Any action.  You dream is going to take work, hard work.  It’s not supposed to be easy, so dig in and get dirty.  It’s where the good stuff is by the way.  You will learn and grow and be amazed at what you can do.  All that stuff you were afraid of, all the stuff you thought you couldn’t do will seem a joke whether you succeed or not.

What if you don’t succeed?

Regroup and pivot.  Examine your results.  This is an experiment.  Experiments rarely go right the first time.  Maybe you did something wrong that can be redone better.  Maybe, during the process, you learned some new information.  Pivot and readjust your course.  There are no true failures, only lessons.  Unless you quit.  That’s a failure.

Trust in the process,  not the end result.  Yes, it is really about the journey and not the destination.  Believe in yourself and your dreams.  Surround yourself with people who believe in you, you’re gonna need ’em.  But never put your self- worth in their hands.  That’s for you and you alone.  Also, never seek approval.  You do not need permission to pursue your dream.  No one who made it anywhere asked if they could first.  They declared it, they believed it and they took action.

We’ve talked in the past about beginning, growing and striving with a smile.  now it’s time to be fearless.

 “We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming—well, that’s like saying you can never change your fate.” ~Amy Tan

Fear is an abstraction.  It isn’t real.  Your dreams however, are.  Be Fearless. Because you have to. 

Tom Serafini is a writer, illustrator, motivator of dreamers and sometime stand-up comedian residing in Brooklyn, New York.  His first illustrated picture book, Ollie Bug and the Icky Sticky Thing From Space, will be funded through a Kickstarter crowdfunding campaign coming soon.  It’s on the list