On some days, the quest for flight involves items of questionable safety where Ollie Bug is concerned.

Safety isn’t exactly Job One , but it’s somewhere down the list.  You should never ask to see the list.

Ollie and his friends throw together bits of wood, metal and whatever else looks lighter-than-air in hopes defying gravity’s affectionate pull.  This often results in something defying the rules of aerodynamics much in the way  a piano falling from the sky would.

Sometimes it involves combustion of something such as popcorn kernels, old socks or even flatulence.  Yes, flatulence.

The combination of such is not a flavor that makes the top ten culinary lists around here.  However, today I can rest easy (sort of) because today is deemed Paper Airplane Day.  There should be no fire or flatulence involved for this is not Build Your Own Burrito Day.

I peeked into the workshop to see if anyone needed anything.   Opened books and random papers were strewn about.  Diagrams of famous historic aircraft were taped to the walls.  For some reason, a watermelon was dangling from a length of webbing while Artemouse jotted some notes on her clipboard.

I didn’t ask.  Neither should you.

In one corner of the workshop were several reams of stacked paper, a pile of crumpled paper and a wastepaper basket  on its side.  I assumed this was the Failed Attempts pile.

On the other end of the room were Ticklebit, The Bearly Brothers, Spoon and Oliver huddled around a giant blueprint on a table.  They were all busy studying different parts of the detailed diagram while folding their own pieces of paper to match.  One by one, they tested their inventions.  One by one they went straight for the floor or into a wall.  There was mumbled talk of lift and ailerons, rudders and thrust as the Failed Attempts pile grew.

I stepped over to the table to offer my advice.  Ollie shot me a look and extended his arm with pointed finger to the door.

This was fine for me because I knew it would keep them tied up all day with no chance of the usual unexplained incidents or a need for bandages.

The question came up that if paper was really just very thin wood, then why not just make the airplane out of actual wood?  Because it would then be a wooden airplane.  Have you ever heard of Wooden Airplane Day?  Me neither.  Still, they made the attempt with a wooden glider shaped like a paper plane.  As expected, the wooden plane was too heavy.  As soon as Ollie and the glider rolled off the specially built ramp, they went nose first into the pond behind the workshop.  Notes on parachute deployment times and extra padding were taken.

The second attempt involved the watermelon, a giant rubber band catapult and a fragile paper glider.

There were mounted to the top of the heaving melon.  The Adventure Cadets gathered around the launch ramp.  Artemouse released the rubber band which twanged to life and sent the watermelon out of the workshop in quite the hurry.  It made a very ungraceful arc to the ground where it landed with a thump and rolled under a tree, chasing the flowers away.  The Cadets looked all over for the little glider and were surprised to find it crumpled and tangled up in the rubber band.

By this time, I decided to go back to the house seeing as pizza would cheer them up after a day of defeat.  While doing a little tidying, I noticed something zip by the window and heard a small group whooping and hollering.  I ran outside and saw Ollie flying gracefully on a giant paper airplane.   Flying, not crashing or bursting into flatulent flames.   Their mission was a success after all.  He did a few laps around the meadow and  went to land.  It was then they all realized they forgot to work out little details like landing.

That’s where the pond and the new parachute system came into play.  The pond worked.  The parachute didn’t.

Upon collecting the soggy craft and pilot Ollie declared a new Ollie Holiday: Land In The Pond Without A Parachute Day.

I need a vacation.